About Us

Have you ever spent 20 minutes in the grocery store trying to figure out which card to get someone for their birthday or Mother’s Day or graduation or some event before realizing that there wasn’t a card that really, truly said what you were thinking? 

So did I, way back in 2012. My name’s Kiwi Schloffel and I’m the brains and the brawn behind Craft Boner. When faced with this dilemma back in 2012 I got frustrated and made my own card to send to my best friend for her birthday because I really just needed to tell her that she was a badass bitch and I couldn’t find any other card that would do the trick. 

Since then the brand has evolved a lot and now there’s an absolute shit ton of new fun products but the bottom line is the same: I want to make you laugh. Not in the ha-ha-I’m-being-polite kind of way but actual big belly laughs that make your eyes water and give you an annoying stomach cramp because you just can’t stop. 

If you’re sick of reading this and are just thinking “bring on the giggles!” - I got you - you can see the shop here. 

But if you want to know a little more about my weirdo self and how this little slice of the internet came to be, then let’s do this thing. 

I studied journalism and graphic design in college and realized my love for both design and words pretty early on. Lucky for me I was kind of a shit reporter and soon realized it definitely wasn’t my dream career. I quit and took a job repairing and troubleshooting computers and while I was pretty decent at it I realized I needed a creative outlet and Craft Boner (the blog edition) was born. 

If you’re wondering what inspired the name - I promise it wasn’t actual dicks - I vaguely remember browsing a thrift store and exclaiming “I have a total boner for that floral armchair!” and my friend Austin shouted, “Craft Boner! That’s it!”

I started the blog and decided that it would be like the ‘80s hair band of craft sites. Again, blogging wasn’t really my forte and soon I had moved back to Denver and it evolved into an Etsy shop and then into what it is now - a brand of hand-lettered curse words and designs aimed at making you chuckle. 

So, I’m, well, basically, if there were a group of grandmas sitting around a quilt circle, I'd be Betty White sitting in the corner making fart noises. And, for fuck’s sake, who wouldn’t like that?

Feel free to join my little community of weirdos on Instagram where you’ll find sneak peeks, doodles and me using the word “blowie” on a regular basis. 

And, if you so desire, feel free to send me love letters, suggestions and your best dad jokes here. 

Otherwise pop in your email below to stay in the know with all the Craft Boner going-ons including sales, new products and even free phone wallpapers every. single. month. Come on, I know you love free stuff!